It’s a Bond film, so we need to start off the staples.
- A good Bond girl. And what makes a good Bond Girl? Well, firstly, no screamers. Sorry Stacy Sutton from A View to a Kill, you might have been a Playboy pin-up, but you were a poor Bond girl. She need to be able to hold her own with Bond, push him around a bit and be happy to play. I always like a Bond girl villain, distinguishable from the Bond girl by the fact she is bad and usually ends up dead. Hello Xenia Onatopp.
- A car chase with an Aston Martin. Skyfall spoiled us with the DB5 and it would be too much to ask to have it back indefinitely, so next best thing is a new Aston Martin.
- Great locations. We accept that rainy London is going to play a part. I can’t see Bond down on Hyde Park in the sun. Instead we want tropical locations, because clearly the sun never shines in England.
- Secret organisations. Is there any point being a secret agent if you can’t find out secret stuff? Obviously not. SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion, is great. Looking forward to being introduced to a classic.
- A great Bond villain. There have been good ones, Blofeld of old, Goldfinger, Trevelyn and there have been bad ones. Remember when Jonathan Pryce was the villainous newspaper man Elliot Carver? I know, I’ve tried to forget as well.
- The essential Bond characters. We have a new M, Miss Moneypenny, Q and Tanner (Felix is around somewhere). All the gang are back together, now let’s use them without killing them off.
Beyond the Bond formula, what else can we expect and what else do we want?
- I’d like the beginning of more encounters with Spectre and possibly an origin for Blofeld or a transition to Blofeld. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot Bond films constitute the longest running film franchise. Gone are the days when we were uncertain whether there will be another Bond film. You are going to make another one. So stop planning one film at a time and get with long story. Before film goers were more demanding with regards to narratives, it was easier to string films together. Now, we want a larger more complete film. Unfortunately, this means that you get a secret organisation like Quantum and you kill it in essentially one film. At the start of Quantum of Solace they are everywhere. By the end, we seem to got over that one.
- Some emotional time with Bond. He need to have a hard time with something, but nothing too much or it gets irrelevant. We need somewhere between the love of his life has been killed and he packed the wrong cufflinks.
- A complete film. Let’s have a clear threat. It doesn’t need to be apocalyptic (I’m thinking Moonraker extinction of the human race) but it needs to be immediate (starting a war between a couple of countries no one cares about is not immediate). Then resolve the threat. You’ve got two and a half hours. That should be more than enough time.
- Ohh, and one last one. Don’t kill off Christoph Waltz. That would be a Jack Nicholas in Batman or Harvey Dent in Dark Knight error.
All we need to do now is wait for 26th October and see how we do. Sorry America, you have a little longer to wait.
Interested to see how we did? Check the post-film update.